Updated Aspects (Life)

My life in some ways has gotten easier and in other ways has become difficult.  I now live in the lower city with my current partner where most people believe they’re artists and therefore have a gargantuan entitled air about them where they literally walk as if they want to push everyone and your mother off their sidewalk.

Yet a few blocks and over the bridge is the gorgeous river, the track and soccer field and all kinds of fit people for days in the neighborhood.  I like to people-watch.  I observe couples, parents, cyclists, skateboarders and dog-walkers go about their ways.  The other thing I do absolutely love is hearing the boats honk their thunderous horns from the apartment.  I don’t think that will ever get old.

The upside too:  I live rent-free.  The downside:  I’m back to actually living in the projects – it’s been 8 years since.  It’s pretty diverse in its flavor, but as with some projects it can be kind of intimidating.  Just last week roughly a block away from where my building is they murdered a 22 year old.  I heard the gunshots at about 2AM.  The word got out in the newspaper almost instantly.  I hope he rests in peace.

On a lighter note, there are many people among the different sections who do have a heart.  I remembered when I was walking on crutches and all the project strangers wanted to assist me in everything straight from their hearts.  I’m still of the theory that poor people have better hearts than rich people – and if you ever want to doubt that then why aren’t rich people helping everyone around the world instead of hoarding their money.  You can’t take money with you to the grave.

Another new thing I’ve been working on and was close to obtaining, but broke my ankle as the rest of my life revealed itself in shambles and not many people know this about me, I consider this very important to keep to myself – I’m not sure why – but the last grade I remember being pulled out of was 7^th grade.  I had an emotional breakdown during the time and was placed in a psychiatric facility.  When I came out I was placed in 9^th grade in a high school particularly for emotionally disturbed teenagers.  With one eye always over my shoulder I became exhausted, couldn’t learn and eventually decided to drop out.

I’m thirty-four years old and I’m working on getting my TASC (GED).  I’ve completed all subjects except for math.  When I first started math I was at about 3rd or 4^th grade level.  I’m finally in the last year of high school math, but it royally sucks to have to learn as much as possible (4 years of high school) in a matter of 3 month semesters.  I know most people believe I’ve went to college.  Not yet.  I’ve went to Technical School for Automotive Body and Repair.  Yes, I graduated.  In general, I’ve always put education on the backburner because nobody in my family swore by it, so I didn’t.

And there’s therapy.  I see a therapist four times a month (since last year), but what makes things different this time is I’ve been experimenting with psychiatric drugs.  Some have made me hyper where I can only get in 3 hours of shuteye.  Other medications have made me exhausted where I couldn’t even get out of bed to save my life.  There was one month where I couldn’t workout for a month because the chronic fatigue was unlike anything I ever felt in my life.  The last medication took away my ability to orgasm and to even have any desire to have sex.  Quite, interesting I thought.

I feel like when a person experiments with these drugs that change your brain/body chemicals around – it’s safe to say (some of) these drugs will rob your life and stunt it.  I still haven’t found one that makes part of my moods and functions any good and perhaps I never will?  So do I keep experimenting to see if I can come across a pill that’ll make life a bit more bearable with my bipolar disorder?  Or do I stop trying since I never know what to expect with these monstrous side effects?

More to come like my new thoughts about training.

-Ms. Hall