Gear Change: It’s Okay!

Training differently has been delightful and scary – delightful because I love learning new techniques and exercises, yet scary because I’ve devoted a good amount of my life to weightlifting.  I’m used to building muscle and building size.  I consider myself a big little woman – big because of mass and size and little because I’m 5’3 in height.

For years I considered myself to have bigorexia.  Growing up the first part of my life (until twenty-one) I was forever self-conscious about being skinny – I never enjoyed being a size 3 or a 5 – and the next part of my life being twenty-two and now thirty-three I’ve fluctuated up and down.  I’ve been a professional yo-yo dieter without using trendy diets.

For years I’ve been comfortable with extra bodyfat and padding on my body because of the comfort it brought me mentally and emotionally.   For the longest time I would keep these words out of my vocabulary:  Slim, thin and small.  But now I want to switch everything.  I want to look in the mirror and not have a skewed sense of self when it comes to my body.

I believe since my life is different now, everything else should be too.  So I’ll give up some old ghosts and give up some of my old agreements.  I’m not going to be afraid of losing bodyfat and my extra padding.  I’m going to lose some mass, come down in size and calm my anxiety while doing so.

I’m going to work on being a little woman the way my body probably wanted to be right from the beginning before I destroyed it with my skewed perceptions.  I will not be afraid of allowing words like slim, lean and sleek into my vocabulary.  I’m going to let my body be in a more natural state, whatever that state may be.   I’m going to gain knowledge of my body on a whole other level with the basis of gear changing everything I thought I knew simply because my entire life has been rearranged.  I’m doing this because I need to retrain my mind so I have newer methods and agreements to inhabit.

Believe it or not, I’m also doing this because training the same old way (weightlifting) I now find boring.  I’m very good at weightlifting.  I’ve trained with some pros.  I’ve allowed Master Trainers to train me like a circus dog as they took me to the next grade.  I’ve trained other people to get muscle and size even when they thought a woman shouldn’t know anything about building muscle.  I know a lot about weightlifting.  No – not everything – but enough to say, “Hey I think it’s about time we changed things up a little bit.”

Weightlifting is second nature to me.  I’ve been doing it for thirteen years.  I know how to pyramid, pre-exhaust drop, and perform staggered, rest-pause, giant and tri-sets.  I’m pretty good with the basic exercises like Shoulder Press (Military Press & Overhead Press), Bench Press (Dumbbell Chest Presses & Incline Chest Presses), Barbell Squats (Front Squats & Wide Squats) and Deadlifts (Stiff-Legged & Romanian deadlifts).

I’ve cut back on building muscle and size – not just because I need to lose a total of 30lbs – but because I don’t need anymore muscle or size.  What I should focus on is losing bodyfat, staying trimmed and challenging myself with a more streamline appearance.  I’ve proved to myself and others – I’m strong!  I can pull back on the strength reigns a little.  Physical strength is something I will always adhere to.  Now I’m ready to move on.

Aside from changing my vocabulary and changing the way I physically look, I’m learning how to refine my training mentality and philosophy.  I’d like to be more flexible in my approach when it comes to my body.  Far too often, in the fitness industry (especially in the world of Bodybuilding and Powerlifting), you have many so-called gurus and experts telling you to destroy your body and work through injuries.

In their eyes it’s like a sin to take a rest day.  And I bought into those extreme beliefs and it has build up my mental toughness pretty well.  However, in the process I’ve really injured my muscles believing in the “no pain, no gain” training philosophy.  Aside from being flexible in my approach, I want to retrain my mind and body to believe that it’s okay to take rest days.

And it’s okay to be slender.  It’s okay to train for a more streamline look then a denser thicker body.  It’s okay to take on a new workout (Ballet Beautiful) and put the weightlifting and bodybuilding on the backburner.  It’s okay to give up what’s familiar to what’s foreign.  In time I will learn further on what I love and what I dislike, as well as what beliefs I want to keep selfishly and what beliefs I need to discard happily.  I’m ready.

It’s okay to want change.

Ms. Hall